Quieting the "What if..." in our lives simply requires creating our own identity and boldly stepping onto our own path. We learn our belief patterns by well meaning parents, teachers, community members, and clergy. The hard truth that I had a part in the way my ex-husband treated me was difficult to accept. I tacitly gave him permission to speak to me in a way that did not honor me because I felt comfortable with that way of speaking. As I child, I heard ugly language when my parents fought. Sometimes that ugly language was directed toward me. I loved my parents so my little girl mind made that ugly language acceptable.
Defining who we are for ourselves can be frightening, but it is a powerful way to live our lives. Sometimes we become comfortable with the definitions others place upon us or the beliefs we adapt in childhood to keep ourselves safe. But when the actions of another person paralyzes us, we have given away our power and must make changes to get it back. We can gain our power back by defining for ourselves who we are and what we believe.
Changing our state of mind can be accomplished by reminding ourselves where we are whole, where we are wonderful, and the value and joy of our dreams. Once we believe we are no longer in danger, we are not. Once we believe we are capable of supporting ourselves, we do. Once we believe we are loveable and able to attract a loving, caring partner, one arrives.
Feeling secure is interior work, not something we put on or buy like a pretty dress or a car alarm. Once we achieve a state of security within, the "what ifs" simply fade into oblivion never to affect us again.
15 Seconds Twice a Day for 30 days Toward Defining the Real You: In the morning when you wake, and in the evening before you go to bed, look yourself square in the eye in the mirror and say:
Today, I release all fear
You, [say your name], are a loving person
capable of achieving anything you desire
No longer will I let others define me
I take back my power by defining who I am
I am [Fill in the Blank]